don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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