I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize