Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
