he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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