so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
