She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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