I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
