i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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