i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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