"it" just moved
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
