If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
