she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
