He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
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Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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