Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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