So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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