It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
