You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
