4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
