yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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