nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
