my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
