i think my tv is drunk
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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