Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
