you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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