i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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