Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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