how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
