did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
