i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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