I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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