We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
