Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
