was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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