I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Two words: nipple clamps
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