Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
