I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
