What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
