WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
