Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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