I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
should my penis look like a turkey
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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