Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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