paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
