he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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