i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
