Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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