So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
