Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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