So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
