Christians are straight up FREAKS
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize