what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
