Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
