His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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