I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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