I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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