You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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