I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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