Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
