Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize