I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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