Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
