Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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