my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
