break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
