i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
