She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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