Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
