I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
