hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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