Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
