I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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