my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
