doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He shit in the fireplace
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
