there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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