why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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