so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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