my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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