But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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