..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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