I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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