I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
