Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
