i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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