And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
