There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
A bitchslap is in order.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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