i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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