Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
