I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
