Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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