Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
